The Formidable Truth of The Great Greasy Bat
by heidlebergchick
Summary: When a new Potion's Club becomes available at Hogwarts, Dennis Creevey is about to sign up, when Ron Weasley comes to his rescue. After all, Dennis has no idea how terrifying the Great Greasy Bat really is... Crack fic, very exaggerated rumors about death and torture in a comedic fashion.


**IWSC Grammar School Entry**

**Title: **The Formidable Truth of The Great Greasy Bat

**School: **Durmstrang

**Year: ** One

**Prompt: **[Word] – Formidable

**Technique: ** Introductions

**Word Count: 943 **+10% leeway

* * *

.

**The Formidable Truth of the Great Greasy Bat**

.

"Oh wow!" cried Dennis Creevey. "They're starting an afternoon Potions Club; it's being run by Professor Snape!"

Dennis pulled a quill from his satchel and didn't notice the dread that crept into the room. As he was about to add his name to the blank roster, someone grabbed his wrist.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, mate," came the quiet, serious voice of fourth-year, Ron Weasley. "It's only two weeks into term, so I'm not surprised you don't know…" he trailed off.

Ron led him over to the common room sofa and began his tale. "Professor Snape is the most awful teacher we have."

Over Ron's shoulder, an older student muttered, "_formidable!_"

Dennis tilted his head, further showing his ignorance. Ron nodded. "He's known as the Great Greasy Bat of the Dungeons." Ron let that sink in. "It's rumoured that he's actually a vampire, but we all know the truth; his favourite targets are _Hufflepuff_ and_ Gryffindor first-years!"_

"He's a_ vampire?_" Dennis gasped, "_I'm a first-year Gryffindor!"_

"_Exactly!_" replied Ron. "We can't let you go the same way as that Hufflepuff girl."

"What happened to her?" came the fearful question.

Ron scrunched up his mouth in serious thought. "Well, Percy told me, Dumbledore said she was transferred to Beauxbatons." Ron leaned in and whispered as if the walls had ears, "we all know she was _killed by Snape!_"

"_Killed?_" shrieked Dennis, before the upper years shushed him urgently.

A sixth year chimed in, "I was there when it was announced." The students gathered around attentively, to hear the story again from the horse's mouth. "Dumbledore told us at breakfast; that's why it struck me as strange because normally transfers are a private family matter. So, I looked over at the Hufflepuff table, and I could only describe their faces, as grieving. That got me suspicious, so I looked at Snape."

The students hushed and held their breath. George muttered to Fred under his breath, "this is my favourite part." Fred murmured his agreement before the sixth year continued, "me too."

"_He smiled!_" A deep shudder ran through the group when a second sixth-year girl added to the already disturbing account.

"It's true; I remember it." All eyes fell on the shaking girl. "It still haunts me today; it was _unnatural!_"

"They never found a body, because _everyone knows_ Snape boiled her in a _cauldron! _I got detention that week, and he made me clean cauldrons; it had really suspicious looking stains!" recalled an older boy.

Dennis found himself shuddering at the mental image, before he whispered, "what did she do to deserve _that?_"

"I heard she was two days late submitting homework," interjected an older girl. "It's not even the worst thing he's done; at least he put the poor girl out of her misery. He didn't have the decency to do that for Neville Longbottom."

The boy in question suddenly cowered. Dennis asked the obvious question, "what did he do to Neville?"

Ron rushed into the story with gusto, "It started in third-year: we were studying Boggarts in Defense and Neville's Boggart turned into Snape!" Neville continued to shake. "When he said the spell, the Boggart changed into Snape wearing his _grandmother's clothes!_"

Ron got into his stride. "When Snape found out, I knew Neville was a goner. Snape gave him detention, and Neville was never the same again."

Fred added, "We all know Snape is terrifying, but Augusta Longbottom has to be the most formidable witch in England. It begs the question: what did Snape do to make himself even more formidable than her?"

At this, Neville burst out of the common room, unable to relive his worst memory. Dennis hung on the brother's every word.

"We all know Filch loves the _old punishments_, and that night, Snape took Neville to a secret part of the dungeons and strung him up by his ears." Dennis sat in rapt attention, along with the other students. "He made him drink this awful potion, the _Draught of Despair_ and it made Neville see things, I mean, even scarier than spiders! He was screaming, Snape started laughing and chopping off tiny pieces of him, throwing them into this huge cauldron," Ron concluded.

Dennis jumped out of his seat. "_You can't make me join that club! _It's not right to treat students like that; why doesn't Dumbledore _do anything?_"

Fred sighed at the hysterical boy and with uncharacteristic seriousness said, "He doesn't have any proof, Dennis. He never leaves any evidence: the girl? No body. Neville, well, he's never going to talk against Snape, now is he?"

Ron patted him on the back. "We protect our own; we'd never let that greasy bat get you. I know we can't prove any of this, _but everyone knows he did it!_" At Ron's dark look, Dennis smiled shakily.

"Thanks for stopping me; I think you just saved my life."

Ron nodded. "Anytime, mate. Anytime."

* * *

Severus Snape was interrupted in his musings when he heard his name being called.

"Professor! Oh good, there you are." Smiled Professor Sprout. When she handed him a piece of parchment, Severus took it wordlessly and watched her hurry off. Ignoring the group of Gryffindors sitting on the grass near the greenhouses, Severus looked down at the slip and frown.

'_It's blank?' _ he thought, surprisedly. '_A perfect opportunity to learn the subtle art that is Potion making, and they refuse? Just goes to show they really are a bunch of dunderheads.'_

As he returned to the castle, he saw the Gryffindors fleeing the vicinity, making the corner of his lip twitched upward.

'_Fear. That explains it:_ _I am still the most formidable Professor at Hogwarts!'_


End file.
